rape on tv? 

recently, the topic of rape has been portrayed on british tv dramas.. ive asked many people in the support group i admin what they think of this..

many, as you can imagine, are highly triggered by them. but despite this, we are glad its a focus on such a taboo subject. 

hollyoaks, emmerdale, eastenders, and even corrie have seen recent storylines being told from different circumstances. from sex slavery grooming, to marital rape, all are brilliant eye openers. 

i completely support writers zoning in on these, for victims themselves who may be living in silence, my hope is for it ti encourage them to at least seek support anonymously. but also, to victims friends and families, they may answer alot of questions that they may feel awkward to personally ask us. 

what are your views? are there any storylines you think havent been portrayed collectly?



so, it was brought to my attention today that i havent blogged for a while..nice to know my blog doesnt go unnoticed, so thanks Cheryl 😚
so.. wow, alot has happened, and more importantly, alot is still to happen. so where do i start?

phoenix wings cause is going from strength to strength.. we have alot more members on the group now, and we are raising some serious awareness, most recently, we did an online auction, raising £60 for rape crisis england and wales. The children’s books were kindly donated by an amazing man! mr richard dodd, a fantastic author! and also… my editor and publisher of the book i am currently writing! yes! I am writing a book! fistpump!!
phoenix wings cause now has its own email address, Instagram, and twitter page.. details of these are on our Facebook page, or easily found by searching “phoenix wings cause”

good things are happening.. and i wont stop until everyone knows all about our cause!!
rise from the ashes…

speaking out..

over the last few months since the trial and, i will add, the prosecution of my attacker, I’ve been working hard to raise awareness on so many platforms.. 

twitter, Facebook profile, phoenix wings cause, pick me up magazine, leicester mercury, and sun online! 

phoenix wings cause

but now.. im heading to national TV! yep.. im going to be on jeremy kyle show.. raising awareness and advise to anyone out there that think their alone.. the services that are available to you ARE there..whether thats your GP, family, or a confidential support group on facebook..that i along with a few others admin so please, if you require support please get in touch! 
i will break the taboo..

my aim is to help people stand up and say “i was raped! im not ashamed! and im still here!” 


i thought id got past triggers.. seems i was wrong. i suppose i was naive to think that once the trial was over with, and my attacker behind bars, all calm would be restored.. wrong! 

UKs soap dramas are full of triggers right now.. but i refuse to keep away from them. awareness is being raised..and isnt that what we all fight for?! 

one moment im fine..the next.. in deel thought and replayin that fateful night over and over.

my nightmares have returned, i have no idea why.. 

but.. all i know, is how thankful i am. thankful of the support, the trial outcome and for still breathing. there were plenty of times i was ready to give up..

but hey.. what kind of example would that be for my daughters…


ive not blogged for a while, so the subject of this one has been debated over and over in my mind.. what can i just reappear to talk about after all this time.. then it hit me. time. thats it!
so the cliche time heals.. may sound cheesy but it really does! but… healing takes hard work aswel as time…

when my trial was over, and my attacker was sentenced, someone said to me

“oh gosh.. it felt like it was going to go on forever..!”

i never forget my response..

“that time between reporting and trial starting, i needed that. i needed it to start fixing my life, because i knew, once the trial was over, life goes on.”

“if i didnt have that time, i wouldnt of been strong enough to face court at all”

16 months ago i was attacked… and in that 16 months i have acheived so much.. and theres more to come..

my story may of started 16 months ago.. but im only just beginning. my time isnt through yet!

flashbacks (trigger warning)

their bad tonight… cant concentrate. jist keeping seeing.. smelling… feeling…HIM. my stomach turns. them details you wish so hard to forget. 

the look in his eyes while he violates you. 

the smell of his aftershave. it was joop. i know that smell from anywhere. the strong smell of hair gel.

the feeling of his hands on me. the feeling of the material over my face.. i cant breathe. 

the feeling of my legs trembling and my heart racing. beating out my chest. 

i feel sick! so sick!