Merry Christmas…

Ive been dreading this time of year like you wouldnt beleive.. 2 more days and im hitting the raperversary. Will it just be any other day? I highly doubt it.

Christmas this year was supposed to be a disappointment, but thanks to my family, its been amazing! Am i allowed to be ok? Does anyone else feel guilty for feeling happy sometimes?

I wonder what HIS christmas has been like this year, knowing it could be his last one at home for a few years.. I hope, but know he isnt as broken as me. A year on and im still a mess about it all. the nightmares have grown more frequent since hitting December.

I just want to get through these next few days. My pre court visit has been organised less than a week before the trial is due to commence…

I think ive been pretty strong up till now.. but with this looming…now im scared. If i bump into him there, if he heckles while im being cross examined, if i see his family. Ive not been face to face with anyone that didnt beleive me. every single person has supported me, but in court, im going to feel like im on trial.

I didnt lie about this you know. He DID do it to me. That night he took a huge part of me i will never get back.

They say dont they that forgiveness is the way forward.. how can that be? How could anyone forgive someone for raping them?!

If anyone has any experience with the court process, please get in touch.

much thanks



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